well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
