From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
