she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
