handjob tips. give me some.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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