I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize