I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
