i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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