i just made my gag reflex go away.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
