Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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