I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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