Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
