Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
