Porn is love you can see.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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