Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
