I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
