There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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