Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
