YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
