You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
