I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
