Moan for me like Helen Keller
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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