JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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