omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
