i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
