I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
