Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
