i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
