Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dignity is for republicans.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
