So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
