ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
