just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize