Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
