Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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