FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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