One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
