I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
