mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
