i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
