apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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