She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize