you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
