Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize