He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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