Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
