I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize