Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
