Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
