No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
