Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
