Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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