is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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