like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
4 words: hood of his car
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
