first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
