Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
