my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize