it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
