Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
