well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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