Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
