I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
