I want to walk on stilts...naked
My hand turned me down
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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