Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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