Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
